dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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