you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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