ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
