I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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