I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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