he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
