I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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