A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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