who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
