Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
