We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
