I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
