K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
