I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
