i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
