Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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