She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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