Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
