her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
