i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
