I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
