girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
