omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
