I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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