i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
