Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize