Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
