I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
