Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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