Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
