Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
