i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
