maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
God, I missed his penis.
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