one two three fourrrrnication!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
