I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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