one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
