Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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