Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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