My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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