i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
