sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
