I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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