so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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