I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
