I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
