Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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