My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
