Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
