i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Two words: nipple clamps
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