Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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