it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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