Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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