I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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