It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
