Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
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I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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