gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
