Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
