He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Boobs speak an international language.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
