I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
