I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
