so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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