how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
