You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
